Meltdown

Yesterday my wife casually mentions that her computer isn't working.

"What's it doing?" I ask.

"Very little".

On booting up a cryptic message flashes on the screen telling me that LSASS.EXE can't initialize and I have to terminate it. Hmmm. Off to google.

According to the allmighty googletron LSASS.exe is a common file used by Windows to load account settings and should not be tampered with. However ISASS.exe is a trojan, a worm, a virus that will cause all manner of harm to my wifes computer and will likely herald the birth of the antichrist. Of course, because of the way fonts are displayed in Windows, A lower case 'L' and a capital 'I' look exactly the same. In any case the antivirus installed on her system might have missed something. Time to pull the hard drive. After 10 minutes of concentrated swearing and several cuts I get the drive out and scan it on my system. My antivirus finds 14 evil creatures living on my wifes hard drive. I perform deletions and exorcisms and re-install the drive. Still no boot, but as a bonus its giving me random blue screens of death.

It's off to the windows XP recovery console. Which finally 'repairs' her installation of windows. Except that again, it doesn't. I am forced to do a re-install. I pull the drive and put it back on my system, pull off all my wife's email and other files. Pop it back in her system and start the clean install.

Once its done I find I'm missing all kinds of drivers. I crawl around in my wifes closet to find the Dell drivers disks. Then there's the missing wi-fi drivers that must be downloaded, then a download of Thunderbird, Firefox, Avast Antivirus and an attempt to restore the email.

By the time most of it was over it was 2am. Fun Mcjoyjoy. Today I got her email restored and working again. I almost wish it had been a real hardware failure. Computers are so inexpensive now it's almost cheaper just to chuck one and get another. Wouldn't that be great? Your rig starts to slow down and you decide to get a new one. At the comp-u-mat you select B7 and rub your hands in anticipation. Then the new computer get stuck on that stupid spiral wire thing. You end up smacking the plexiglass front of the machine and trying to shake it for 10 minutes to no avail.

Of course, once you stop your rant the computer magically falls off the wire and you are able to pull it out the bottom and take it home. The old system? You throw it on the compost heap (because in my work computers are biodegradable).

Wow

I've been up to a lot recently, including a ghost hunt at a decommissioned prison and using tools to fix things. But the bigger new is that we won. We fucking won! Control of the House AND the Senate. And just as I was enjoying that sweet savory taste I hear on the radio today the Rumsfeld has "Retired". I haven't read the transcript of his announcement, but if he uses the term "Spend more time with my family" it means he was fired. Fired or quit, I don't care. He's gone. I believe i did a little jig in the NAPA parts store.

It's been said by conservatives that the Democrates don't have a plan, well it's better than the Rebublicans who's plans have all been bad. I am inclined to agree with some of the pundits, that America didn't vote for Democrats so much as vote against the Republicans. Whatever, the glass is half full, the glass is half empty. I don't care so long as the glass has less than 50% Republicans, child predators, thieves, secretly gay homophobes and war profiteers.

I stayed up late to watch the results, but the more I watched, the worse my stomach felt, until I realized that I did the same thing in 2004. I stayed up and the news just kept getting worse. What were those people thinking??? I truly felt in my heart that once the American people got into that voting booth, that they could finally have their say without fear of retribution, that they would soudly regect Bush and his ilk. But they didn't. They still believed the lies. This should have happened two years ago. We might be out of Iraq by now.

And to put some numbers behind that:

We might have not have lost 1,472 U.S. and coalition lives
18,540 fewer coalition casualties
20-100,000 fewer Iraqi casualties/fatalities

Of course this is all speculation. But you know the old saying 'Fighting for peace is like fucking for viginity'. I'm wondering how many more kids are going to pay the ultimate price for this failed venture. How many more 'casualties' before we pull the plug. Remember, being wounded in combat can be anything from breaking your leg to having your arm blown off by an IED. And given the nature of this occupation, there are a LOT more amputations. There are also a lot more head wonds. The incidences of PTSD will be skyrocketing over the next few years. We will start to see a surge in the number of homeless vets.

I love my country and I support the men and women who serve. So I consider it my sworn DUTY to make sure that they aren't needlessly put in harms way. To fail in this is to fail as a person. I meet a lot of people in my job. I likely talk to several thousand people a year person to person. One day some young man or woman is going to buy something from me and hand me their credit card. Only they won't have a hand, or even an arm. It will be a prosthesis. I like to shake the hands of almost all my customers. Am I going to be able to shake this persons appendage, the stump thats left over after a mortar killed his friend and wounded him? Only if I know in my mind that I did what I could to prevent it from ever happening.

Uhgg. I know this isn't written very well. But I get worked up whenever I talk about this. It's off to bed.

Our usual table please...

Last night I met up with Bob, Cat and Ed (along with their significant others) at a Denny's in North Olmsted. We meet up on this date every year. It's an anniversary of sorts, and we've been doing it for 22 years.

A looooooong time ago I met Ed and a girl named Kim at a small Ren Fair in my home town of Bay Village. We hot it off and they invited me to a Halloween party. After the party we went to Lewis woods in the Metroparks in costume. As we tromped through the dark woods we talked about Tolkein and magic and a thousand flights of fancy. Then we went to Denny's. Over the years we have somehow managed to always meet up. Even when Cat moved away to Washington, she would go to a Denny's there and we'd talk on the phone.

This year our waitress hadn't even been BORN the year we first met up. How's THAT for making you feel old! We didn't stay as late as we used to. There's work and all. But we did get together. That's what friends do.

Now witness the power of this fully armed Operating System!

Apparently Miscrosoft isn't satisfied with owning 97% of the OS market and has decided to 'Covince' people to use their new Vista OS by threatening them with a frickin' DEATH STAR.


Oh sure, it will supposedly be a bright, happy blue. But if you painted the Death Star blue, it would still be the goddamn Death Star now wouldn't it? You can make the planet-killing laser make kitten sounds but you're still blowing up Alderan. I don't know about you, but I'm heading out to reserve my copy of Vista at Comp USA today. (via Jonsey.net)

Pics Online!

We finished today and began cleaning up the huge mess we created in building this thing. I used the new Picassa Web albums feature, I hope you like.

Curved Roof

Before MTV sucked..

Years ago in the Pliestine age (1984) there was a video and song that I truly dug. I remember it was called "Land of Hunger" and it was by a group called "The Earons". Well, thanks to the Internets and youtube I am once again able to enjoy this very cool song, and so can you. The weird thing is that the band members were known only by numbers. Supposedly they were well known, but no one has any data on this. Go check the google or wikipedia. These guys were fucking ninja's!

I believe they call this ...work

When we moved in to Bag End several years ago we sat about drinking mead and dreaming of ways we could turn it into our perfect dream home. These dreams had to wait of course. Being a home owner means you can't bitch at the landlord to fix the leaks in the roof or repair the gutters etc etc. But after we took care of the biggest issues we dreamed again of wild, cool things. One of those projects was to replace the awning roof in front of the house. There was nothing wrong with this roof per se. It was well built and in acceptable shape. But its builder failed to take a few things into consideration. He basically extended the original roof to make a screened porch. But the math didn't quite work out which resulted in a very low roofline, a loss of natural light and and entrance that was only 6 foot tall and required some ugly cuts just to allow the doors of the house to open.

Enter the Michigan Renaissance Faire. Rossana and I wandered the site last year, marveling at the nice booths and in particular some of the cedar shake roofs. After some inquiries I was led to one Richard Heinzelman, woodworker and booth builder. On a lark I told him about my home and asked if he could turn our low, sharp, plain roof into something higher and more organic looking. We talked a while, he asked for measurements and pictures. We talked some more. We drew pictures. We discussed materials costs. In the end, he agreed to do the project if three things would happen:

• I would need to find a source of fresh cut, green hardwood
  
• I would have to help
  
• It would have to be done in the last two weeks of October. (The worst time of the year weather-wise and during the Ohio Ren run).

I agreed anyway. If we didn't do it now we would miss our chance. Richard wasn't available the entire rest of the year. Thanks yet again to Grimm I found a source of wood from an Amish saw mill. We put Richard up at our house and last week we began work. And I do mean work. The first step was ripping apart and hauling away the old roof. This involved physical labor, something I eschew. Then came the more-funner job of post hole digging. By the end of the second day I couldn't actually hold tools. Did I mention the horrible cold that was still plaguing me? But after that things began to take shape. I cut the rafters and basically did grunt work and Richard worked his magic. The results, which should be done in the next two days, are nothing short of amazing. It looks incredible. Even better, the roof now lets in way more light. The entranceway to our house? Its now under a 7 1/2 foot arch.

Of course, removing the old roof exposed a LOT of wires, pipes, cinder block and other nastiness underneath that has to be covered up somehow. We (I) hadn't quite thought if that during planning. Covering the front of the house with stucco is our eventual goal, but that will have to wait until finances are available. Until then we're going to just cover it all up with some spare paneling.

Richard's labor costs were very reasonable and using me instead of bringing a member of his usual crew saved a lot. So did getting the wood from the Amish, who were very cool and eventually charged us LESS than we had originally agreed upon.(Cultural footnote: The Amish consider a firm handshake a sign of aggression and dominance, give 'em a limp-wristed shake and they'll consider you slightly less barbaric English) Grimm even helped out last Sunday while we finished up O-Ren. I thought this project would take two weeks but Richard thinks he'll be done in two days. This is what happens when someone knows their shit. I will post pics when we're done. The worst drawback to this project has been the damage to the plants near the house, which we have been walking all over. Its unavoidable and Rossana had been very stoic about the destructive, plodding men trampling everything in sight. And of course the new roof, being curved, has no gutters. I am slightly nervous about where the water is going to go in a heavy downpour. We may end up having to dig some French drains. More digging, horay.

The weather needs to hold on for two more days. Just two more days...

Sweet Jeebus!

I took a drive last night to a lonely town located in the backwaters of Ohio. I was to meet with a man who's name I can't write here but who you may know as Codename: Monkey. There were dark deeds to be done and exchanges to be made.

When I arrived at the rendezvous I flashed my cars headlights twice as I had been instructed. The car at the other end of the narrow bridge did the same. I got out of my car and approached the large wall of a man who stood silently.

"I believe you have something I want" I said, trying not to sound nervous. I had no backup here, I was flying solo.

"Indeed I do. It's in the truck. You have the payment?"

I nodded and held the briefcase up flat. I flipped open the latches and opened the lid. Inside were rows of crisp bills. Small denominations, non-sequential.

"It's all here. Do you want to count it?"

"Count? No! I trust you completely."

That was funny, because I could easily make out the tiny red dot that rested over my heart. Placed there by some unseen sniper, very likely the Swede named Ander.

"Then you're happy?" I asked.

"Not quite, you forgot one small thing. My Hat."

"I didn't forget, you get the Pirate Hat when I see the Rig."


He laughed. "Always so paranoid my friend! Of course."

He pulled a squat box out of the truck. "Here you go. All the papers are in it and are in order"

I placed the box in my trunk and handed the large man a bag. "Your Pirate hat, I hope you like it."

He pulled the hat out of the bag and placed it on his head. "It fits like a glove. Sweet. So, we gettin wings?"

"Hells yeah."

Several hours later, in the darkness of my office...The last of the computers cables are connected.

whirrrrrrrrr

"My God, it's full of stars...."

Brick - See it

Last night I watched a film called 'Brick' on pay per view and I must say that I enjoyed it more than many films I have seen over the past few years. I highly recommend you check out this great hommage to film noir set in a California High School. It's original, funny, painful and well thought out. Great cinematography and a haunting score. One small complaint is that there is a LOT of slang used in this monie, most of it isn't the current kid/gangsta crap. It sounds like it's right out of Daschle Hammett. It comes fast and hard and you might need to rewind now and then to catch it. Check out the trailer (link above).

Update on my Rig..

Thanks for the links and advise and contacts. Chris (The Big Red Monkey) called me shortly after the post. He asked me questions. Questions I felt uncomfortable answering on an unsecured line. Several hours later an email arrived with specs that frankly scared me. This sort of technology is supposed to under lock and key at area 51. This kind of rig can kill people in many multi-player games just by logging in.

I got a call today from Monkey. He says "Dude, I may not be able to send you this rig."

"Is there something wrong?" I asked.

"Oh no, it's just that it's just too damn sweet. I may not be able to let it go"

I salivate... Soon, soon it will be in my hands. And then they'll learn, they'll all learn the meaning of the word FRAG.

Hack...wheeze..cough....

We returned triumphant from last weekend at Ohio Ren. It was one of our best weekends EVER. I have no idea how to explain it. Holliday weekend? Perfect weather? Alignment of the planets? Who knows? It just kicked ass for two solid days. It was so busy that of Saturday I paid patrons to go and get us food so we wouldn't pass out.

But no good weekend goes unpunnished and by Monday a creeping Crud over took Rossana and I. We did what we could and rested up because my mother gave us an early x-mas present in the form of tickets to see Spamalot at the State Theater and I wasn't going to miss that, no sir.

I will say now that I can see why many people find this musical so fun. It is indeed very silly. Great set design and some very clever numbers. I thought the sound could have been a bit louder given the high tech system I drooled over in the back of the theater. My biggest.... well... its not a complaint per se. It's jst that a super geek like me can pretty much quote a lot of Monty Python and the Hold Grail word for word. So it was very obvious and jarring where the new diologue and story elements (such as they were) were tacked on. Also, part of what makes Python so funny is the rapid fire delivery, which has to be way slowed down to work on the stage. There are some great physical comedy bits but it wasn't anywhere near as great as several other plays and musicals I've seen over the years. It's clever, but Tony award winning clever? Hmmmm. If you love Python, save the whacking large amount of money tickets cost for this show and buy the latest deluxe DVD release. You'll be glad you did.

My Kung Fu is strong but my Rig is weak

It's been a while since I did any upgrades on my home built system. And there's a good reason for that. Because any attempt to update or overhaul this system will likely result in the delicate magic holding said system together to be dispelled leaving nothing but a pile of raw silicone and a weeping corset saleman. I simply cannot afford to have my computer down for any length of time. I rely on it, as does my business and those of my website clients. So I've let it slide. But its annoyances have grown. Plug and play is spotty, the video card whines, hard drive performance seems very slow. Etc etc.

Since taking this system apart is out of the question I need a new rig. This is where you folks come in. If you yourself, or someone you know, is a clever tool-using monkey, I gots a job for ya.

What I want:

Fast components. Not THE latest, as these are very spensive, just one step behind.
Video: I need to be able to kick my friend Jackals ass in BF2. Plan accordingly.
Lots o RAM. I deal with large photoshop files. 2 gig.
Dual layer DVD burning= Good.
Media card reader.
Legit copy of XP: OEM or boxed makes no difference. I can't have Microsoft giving me shit just to save a few bucks.
Dual Boot? Hey, I've heard good things about Ubuntu. I'd love to have that option.
Hard drive: Huge SATA is best. I also need to be able to hook up my current ATA drive to transfer over huge numbers of files.
Sound Card: Need not be fancy. I typically use headphones.
Lights, bells, whistles, windows and spinner need not apply.
Sound: Quiet. Fanless power supply would be nice.
No monitor needed.

Price: Under 1 grand if at all possible.

If you're interrested in the job please email me. I'd like to get this process rolling next week. Although I am by no means a huge blog I'd be very happy to plug you or your company or run your banner ad.

Thanks for your help.

A tale of two Couches

There comes a time in a relationship when things get serious. The first serious step is cohabitation. At least it was for me. But an even greater commitment occurs when your relationship goes to the next lever. No, not marriage or kids. I'm talking about buying furniture.

When Rossana and I moved into the big farmhouse years ago, we arrived with a large sectional sofa that I'd bought from some cousins. It had seem many better days. Its appearance was not improved by my friend Ander sat down on the couch back after finishing the move and "Anderizing" it.

It was clear that furniture was needed. We shopped around and eventually went to Value City (because we were, basically, poor) and bought a sofa and loveseat. It is here that I will stop our tale and give a mea culpa. Those of you who know me know that I posses a fairly good sense of decorating style. It's been said that if only I had been born gay I would have had a very successful career as an interior designer. This great style sense led me to push for a lovely couch with turned wooden feet and brass nails in tan with tapestry accent pillows. We bought it and hauled it home and the second we set it in place and I laid my ass upon it I realized I had made a terrible mistake. This was the most uncomfortable couch in the history of furniture. Torquemada could have used this furniture to extract confessions of blasphemy. It literally tried to force me out of it every time I sat down. It's material felt like sandpaper to me. Rossana was, of course, oblivious. But she has always led a Spartan existence. But I hated this couch, with a passion that burns like Latin love. And it hated me.

Years pass. We move again. The couched look fine in our home. But things start to slip. One day Rossana mentions that the couch 'isn't as comfy as it could be'.

"Oh really?" I respond demurely, as if I'd never really noticed.

Quickly I put a plan into action. While down in southern Ohio we went to a Big Lots (cheapo closeout store) and I had her sit down with me on a nice, ugly modern sofa while I 'rested my back' for a few moments. Slowly it dawned on my beloved wide. Her eyes begand to slowly close and she smiled slightly.

"What is it dearest?" I asked.

"This couch is soooo comfy."

"Is it? I suppose it is. Much better than our couches at home. And look, they're on sale!" I pushed the price display over to her with my toe.

She looked at the price, it was actually very reasonable. We'd shopped for furniture before, browsing Arhouse Furniture and other trendy couchetoriums. But those were mere flights of fancy. Two years ago we could have bought our house, or a lamp and an end table from one of these places. This was Big Lots.

We went home and I called the local stores. The nearest one had a set in stock. I laid out my case;

"Dear, when we last bought furniture I chose style over comfort and I was frankly dead wrong. We sit on these couches, nap on them, have guests sleep on them, shouldn't they at least not cause rashes and bleeding, if not be somewhat comfy?"

In the end, she kindly agreed. We looked over our finances and agreed we could do it. Of course, nothing can go without incident. The local Big Lots had the couch, but it was the wrong material. We had to drive out to Norwalk Ohio but we got 'em. After much grunting and heaving they are now safely installed in our living room and they are sooooooo nice. I mean it's reeeeeally nice. I may just sleep on it tonight. The Old loveseat is in the Moroccan room, where it replaced an even more uncomfortable futon. The couch? Its on our porch now and we're trying to sell it off. If you're a massochist and have a few bucks to spend or you want to torture a friend with a +4 Couch of Discomfort drop me a line.

Religion

This is a pretty good short video about why athiests care about religion.

Assorted stuff and various things...

Haven't posted in a while. This can be traced to an insideous enemy called 'work'. This work must be stopped at all costs.

Most of the week was spent on the road. Ohio Ren has 2 kids days where I basically sit and watch the next generation dissapoint me. It is beyond pathetic. The younger ones seem to have some hope, but once they get into high school they appear vapid, or just stupid. I am sure that all previous generations have looked at their successors in this way. Spent friday on the road and then finished up the Michigan show. It was yet another rainy weekend, perhaps the wettest season on record. But they numbers were there. The place was packed to the gills. I didn't do gangbusters but there were extenuating circumstances. Heather (one of my sales minions) arrived Saturday with a toe she believed to be broken. This was confirmed after a trip to he ER. On her return the pain meds and a spike in blood sugar meant she was flying and was good only for entertainment value. Once she was pretty straight we sent her home. I also spent some time trying to help my friends Alex and Elizabeth try and find a booth to buy. The biggest deal was that I sold complete, custom made Demonatrix outfit. If you've seem me at any shows over the last year you may have notices an outstanding leather outfit with wet molded leather demon wings and hands that look like they are grabbing the wearer. I've been bummed that I have not yet found a buyer for this piece. Of course, the fact that it's $1800 may have something to do with it. But on Saturday a young woman returned and stated she wanted to order her own personalized Demonatrix at a cost of $2500. Yes, I did in fact do the 'Happy Dance' after she left. But I'm holding off on breaking open the bottle of Asti I have been keeping for this occasion until after I get the 50% deposit later this week. All indications are good. Keep your fingers crossed.

And then it was all over. Being a merchant (or boother) isn't the same as being on cast or being a patron. For them the end of the show can be a tearful and emotional affair. There are hugs and toasts, songs and exchanged phone numbers or email addresses. There have been breakups and marriage proposals. But the boother has work to do and it starts the moment the show ends. Tear down, clean up and load out. Thankfully my shop isn't filled with thousands of things. But the booth still needs to be cleaned up and winterised. It's been my home away from home for two months. Lots of 'bits' collect in that time. Then I need to tear down my camping tent. It can't be rushed. You work through each task methodically. You can't just throw all your shit in a van and drive off. It will only make your life worse on the next show.

Those on the security staff who handn't already packed up last night gathered for the best tortia soup I have ever had. This is a very cool group of people. Friendly beyond words and helpful beyond measure. They are truly a tight knit family.

It was a good year, and I'm not talking monetarily. I haven't even looked at the books. It was just a great, crazy season filled with a lot of laughter, some mild frustrations, new friends and lots of stange stories ("Ma'am, would you mind hitching your gimp to the fencepost?") I can't wait till next year.