Sunday, November 14, 2010

Dear Mr. Wampler...Fuck you.

Take a moment to read this article. I'll wait here, it won't take long.

Finished? Great. Now allow me to state my rebuttal. Fuck you.

That's the short version. And it sums up my feelings on his article pretty well. I understand that you are employed as a "comedy examiner", whatever the hell that means, but really? This is your attempt at funny? I am dissapoint.

I would have thought that here in the 21st century we'd gotten past the same pathetic stereotypes of people who go to Sci-Fi or Comic conventions. Do you not understand that sci-fi, fantasy and gaming are now the fucking NORM? Have look here. See that list of top grossing films from the last decade? 9 out of 10 of them are Sci-Fi, Fantasy or comic derived. Its 10 out of 10 if you consider The Passion of the Christ a kind of snuff film based on a fictional jewish wizard. That's pretty fucking mainstream pal.

Apparently the game Magic the Gathering is to him, hopelessly nerdy and pathetic, played by pimply teens incapable of interacting with the female sex. Really? I do a lot of cons. You know what I see? People with kids. "How did they get those kids?" you ask. By having sex you moron. Lots of sex. Sometimes with women like these who share their love of Trek or Star Wars or Harry Potter or B5 or D&D or even Magic the Gathering. How are two people playing a fantasy based card game different from a group of people playing poker? Answer: There is no difference.

Of course, he pokes at a fat girl in a costume. Awesome. Do I even need to spend a paragraph describing what kind of a dick does that? I've seen people wear costumes waaaaaaaay not right for their body type. But you know what? I respect each and every goddamn one of them. I admire their creativity. Their bravery.

Speaking of bravery. If you spoke to some people at a con you might be surprised to find out some are active duty or veterans of our armed forces. These guys don't just pretend to be warriors with pen, paper and dice. They actually go to fucking WAR for you, me and our country. When you look around a con I'm sure you'll see some fat ass in a scooter who needs a diet and exercise, you'll also see guys without legs or arms like I did last year. "Nerds" and "Geeks" tend to be idealists. While we play in fantasy worlds we fully understand the problems of the real one. Many cons hold blood drives and auctions for charities or libraries. Many years ago I was honored to present a check to a Cleveland battered womens shelter from the Star Trek fan-club I belonged to. I proudly did it in uniform (Wrath of Khan, not the Next Gen spandex ones, I know what looks good on me).

So, on behalf of myself and and a large portion of the general public may I suggest that you shut your fucking pie hole you unoriginal hack. If this isn't your thing, fine. Don't come to cons and  I won't follow you to a pro sports game and ask you why you are paying an absurd amount of money to watch men hit a ball with a stick, or try to put a ball in a hoop, or move a ball from one side of a field to another. Because honestly? That seems like the stupidest thing on Gods green Earth.