It's the story...

There's an old saying in the newspaper business, its the story people remember, never the retraction, or correction. Last week some nutjob went on the radio and said "I've spoken to the Governor of Hawaii, and he said there is no birth certificate for Obama".

Except he didn't. 

He's sorry he misspoke. But that's not the important thing here. This is the kind of shit we are seeing more and more of from the Right. They will say outright lies with conviction. They will ignore facts, twist statistics make insane connections and suppositions. And when someone calls them on their bullshit they might MIGHT mumble something about "maybe you misunderstood what we were saying".  It's tiresome.

Back at it.

I've done relatively little web development over the past year or so. There are a number of reasons. One is the stress. For every new client I take on I take on a lot of responsibility and a lot of potential headaches. When something goes wrong (and something always goes wrong) I'm on the hook for it. A few years ago my little webhost was bought by a company that managed to fuck up half of my clients websites. This happened while I was in Oklahoma during a windstorm. It was so bad I was screaming at a low level technician in India from inside a porta-john. It was the only place out of the weather that I could hear anything. I got physically ill from that experience.

Another annoyance is the failure of some of my clients to pay their hosting bills. I don't change much, but getting it is like pulling teeth. From a Woolly Mammoth. Buried in the Siberian tundra.

But the software I've been using is getting out of date. Hackers are finding weaknesses and clients want new features. So I'm downloading the latest version and will have to familiar with it's new features. I'm going to have to be the Guinea pig and test it out with my own store. I also need to look for a new webhost since the last one let a site sit broken for 5 days, which in internet time is like a million years.

I don't want to do this, I have several big projects I'm elbow deep in. We wanted to get out to the West coast and do some shows, get our product seen but that isn't going to happen. I wish I could fob this off on someone else but we're mostly a two person operation here.  Oh well.

Back at it.

The results are terrifying...

Less than 6 hours ago Rep. Gabrielle Giffords was assassinated at a small gathering outside of a supermarket by a young man named Jared Lee Loughner.  She is alive but in critical condition. A Federal judge and a child are dead. 11 or so are badly wounded.

 The man was arrested on the scene and now the All Seeing Eye of the Internet has begun its search. But despite the absence of any kind of facts or credible information the mouth of the internet has opened wide and started screaming. The mouth of the Internet is a shrill unthinking scream. Blog posts and twitter comments fly fast and hard, fingers are pointed and blame quickly placed. Gifford's district was one that Sarah Palin "targeted" with words and cross hair images during the last election. People have somehow taken this term to mean that Palin was inciting people to violence with irresponsible rhetoric. This, in my opinion is pretty goddamn stupid. I hate Palin but I cannot pin this act on her.

The Left called him a Rightwing Nutjob and The Right calls him a Leftwing communist/athiest. He posted an obtuse youtube video which makes no sense. Why? Because this man is crazy.

Let me clarify this. He isn't in the Democratic Party, or the Republican Part or the Tea Party. He is a card carrying member of the CRAZY PARTY.  A SANE person doesn't walk up and shoot someone in the head at almost point blank range then fire off 15 more rounds randomly. When tackled and restrained he did not scream out his political ideology. He wasn't wearing a Che Guevara t-shirt.  I'm sure he had some political leanings. They don't really matter. Because he is crazy. 

Of course, politics does play a part in this tragedy. Apparently a few months ago Arizona passed a law that said you didn't need a background check or have to take a class to carry a concealed weapon. I respect my gun owning friends and their constitutional rights but I cannot see how something like a background check for mental illness or a criminal record and a safety class is in some way seriously impinging on your rights. I know that criminals can get guns easy enough, those precautions aren't for them. 

This is a tragedy all the way around. I'm gonna go look at some pictures of bunnies and hope it helps. 

I hope this doesn't sound racist

I just watched 16 Blocks with Bruce Willis and Mos Def. It was a surprisingly good movie. It wasn't the action or story. It was the fact that the director actually had the actors playing real characters and not cardboard cut outs. Bruce Willis plays a NYC cop. He is also a depressed alcoholic. This is not the one liner spewing guy from Die hard. He look old, he looks tired. He walks with a limp.

What made the movie for me was something a lot of people must have thought was annoying. Mos Def's character of Eddie Bunker. This is not a street wise thug, funny sidekick or an innocent bystander. he is a kid who had done bad things. He looks out for himself. Mos plays him with a nasal whine and he is constantly talking. Constantly.

And while it was annoying it was also a breath of fresh air. Because I have met that person.  When I lived in Ohio City near W. 25th I had three black neighbors and what amazed me was that they were constantly talking like this. The woman upstairs used to get into fights with her husband and would physically toss him down the stairs and throw things at him. One time I managed to find a parking space right in front of the building and wouldn't you know it. She starts yelling and throwing things down the stairs onto the street.

 We used to keep goalie stick in the apartment for defense so I casually stepped outside and leaned against my car with the stick to defend my property. Everyone was tired of this woman and her fights and I wasn't going to let her throw crap that might hit my car and I sure as hell wasn't going to move.  I was going to tell her that in a calm, cool badass way.

Never happened. When she came down to throw more things at her husband she noticed me and started screaming all manner of obscenities. She asked me what the fuck I was doing and I would have told her but she just kept on yelling and threatening. If I wanted her to hear me I would have had to start yelling at her. I really wanted to. I mean, I had a badass line and everything. But she just kept up a constant stream of blather.

That is real life. That is what some black people sound like. That may not be a particularly PC thing to say but listening to Mos speak brought me back to that time and place.

There is no lack of annoying characters in movies but they never seem to convey that actual annoying blabbering. The annoying character starts out annoying and the cop starts out all hard nosed but by the third act the annoying character has stopped being annoying and the cop had revealed he actually has a heart of gold. Not so in this movie. It was refreshing to see the actors portraying people in a realistic way.  And it gave it a very real feel. I recommend you Netflix it.

And in the end...

The year has almost drawn to a close. It's been quite a ride. Some ups, some downs. The last few weeks I managed to let the news really get to me. It was like a train wreck. I knew I shouldn't look but I couldn't stop myself from checking blogs and news sites. So much bad news.

But this week the damn has broken. Shit got done. Amen and hallelujah. It's gonna be brutal next year but for just a little while we can relax and take a deep breath. Try to enjoy the Holidays...

So why am I not enjoying the Holidays? Ah yes, because I'm pissed off.

I've been getting emails from customers wanting to know where their corset orders are. I have nothing to do with that. My partner handles it and its been one fuckup or delay after another this year. And yesterday I actually lost my shit. I'm not talking about reaching the "fuck it" stage. I sailed right past that.

I was just going to leave a voice mail discussing another customer demanding their order or a refund and how we needed to figure out where all their orders were and it just kind of went off the deep end. I can't recall my exact words but "Bullshit" "Fuck you" and "Burn my fucking number" entered into my rant. I honestly cannot recall a time when I lost it like that. In an instant. I decided I would end my 10+ year partnership and friendship. And I meant it.

 Do I still mean it 24 hours later? I don't know. I'm still pissed. The logical part of my brain says I should chill out and act like an adult. But another part of me thinks I've been lied to and shit on. And that part of me will not take this shit any more. Even if it means a MAJOR change in my business. And rather than being able to deal with it NOW I have to wait for Christmas to pass. Such are the joys of owning your own business.

Holy...

Well THIS certainly qualifies as the most bad ass thing on the planet after punching bears.

Venice and more...

Went to see The Tourist, which was a fairly pleasant movie with Johny Depp and Angelina Jolie. The things that I loved most about it was that much of it took place in Venice, a city I love dearly. What's better, they didn't feel the need to mess with the city like some films have recently. I know that Hollywood sometimes needs to move things around a little bit. but some movies recently have gone waaaaaay overboard.

 In Transformers 3 the protagonists somehow go from Giza to Petra in a few hours, and can actually SEE Giza from Petra, which is impressive considering they are several hundred miles away from each other. In The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, a show I thought was awesome, a young Indy and  Nanny are 'stranded' near the Pyramids and are forced to camp out. This confused me since they could have walked a quarter of a mile or so to the Mena House, one of the best hotels in Cairo. Stop being lazy Hollywood!

 Venice is stunning in The Tourist. The chases through the canals and over the small bridges and back alleys were exciting while staying accurate to the layout of the city. The film shows the lobby of the Hotel Dannieli, one of the most beautiful spaces I've ever seen. I recommend you see it for the scenery alone.

The other striking thing about the movie was Angelina, who looked lovely as always, but more than that she was elegant. This is something you just don't see much of in movies these days. Female leads are pretty, or sexy or down to earth or tough cop (lawyer, astronaut) but rarely elegant. But she pulls it off very well. The movie is a throwback to a more well dressed time and I think I'd like to see more movies like it.

Why is this even an issue?

There has been so much wringing of hands about the possible repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell".  So much fear. So much crazy. Why, I ask you? Why is this an issue? The younger generation (the ones who, you know actually serve in uniform) no longer fear and hate gays the way many of our parents generation did. They're over it. They already work with gays in the service, and their opinion is as long as they do their job and act professionally, they have no problem with gays serving. But policy lags behind society and we've lost valuable service-members from understaffed positions because some small group of people are, get this... afraid of taking a shower with a gay person.

Really. That seems to be the big fucking stumbling block. If you don't believe me, feel free to read the complete report that was just released on the subject. Yes, it's about 267 pages, but the readable portion is about 131 pages (the rest being the appendices).  Or you can just read the Executive Summary at the beginning. Long story short. The biggest fear is getting hit on by some gay guy in the shower. Which is weird, because, as a straight person, I have no interest in hitting on gay men in the shower. The other fear is that openly gay members will act like prancing fairies.Really? The rest of the report basically says that having gays won't destroy the military. Look, the Military can handle it. They're tough. They are trained to follow orders. Other countries have already done it. It did not destroy unit cohesion nor did it affect retention. There are already rules of conduct in place. Letting gays serve won't turn Camp Lejune into a gay pride parade.

And yet somehow we will manage to make this a HUGE fucking fight. Thanks to the media echo chamber it will seem as if this issue is tearing this country apart. Conservatives will bloviate ad nausium to appease their Bible grasping constituents even though they themselves likely don't give a crap or would rather be snorting cocaine of a 19 year olds steely abs. More theater, more spectacle. We will take what is basically a non-issue and make it an issue.

My fear is that we will somehow royally fuck this up. That in the interest of compromise we'll do something mind numbingly stupid like allowing gays and lesbians into the service, but just not have them serve in active fighting units. Like women.  If the recommendations of this committee could be enacted by executive order I'd say go for it. Yes, people would hate Obama for it. People already hate him for helping them get more affordable health care, enacting mild financial reform and helping keep the country from sliding into a depression. Just add it to the list.

You learn something new every day.

I've known about the Haji, the annual journey to Mecca for many years. But I didn't know that the circling of the Kabbah  was only part of the whole experience. I found this article to very illuminating.

And while doing the whole spiritual thing is all well and good, the godless capitalist wonders if there is money to be made there in the form of food sales, souvenirs and what have you. Or is this frowned upon like at Burning Man?

So you want to see my junk?

My reply? Sure, whatever.

It seems that the blogosphere is getting its collective panties in a bunch about the new "porno scanners" and enhanced pat downs at airports. People are pissed that a flunkie in some room will see a crappy blueish image of their bodies. Including their junk.  This is an outrage!

So far as these scanners are concerned my concerns are a bit more practical. A) Are they safe? B) Do they work?

There have been some studies that indicate these scanners could potentially damage DNA or cause cancer. Unzipping my DNA concerns me. But no one has done any significant studies yet. The x-ray ones seem to be as safe as, well, getting an x-ray. You get a shitload more radiation getting a CAT scan and we seem happy about getting those. At this time I'm not freaked about getting cancer from getting scanned 3-4 times a year. Your mileage may vary.

Do they work? I suppose so. It can see guns and knives. These are, of course, things that wouldn't work in a hijacking anyway. Not these days. Can they detect explosive powders? Evidence suggests they can't. Could they detect an explosive device crammed in your ass? In short - ew. Also, NO, they can't. Well, I'm glad Michael Chertoff is getting paid well for the billions we are spending for deploying these useless machines.

Soooo, not super useful. What about the fact that the machines might store the images? So what? Calling these things porno scanners is a bit over the top. Have you seen the images these things produce? You have to have a pretty specific fetish to ignore the internet and use this to get your rocks off. Would I feel violated or embarrassed by someone seeing my scan? Personally? Not really. I was in theater for years where doing costume changes was common. I know exactly how big my penis is. Others might not share my opinion, we are after all a country founded by a bunch of super conservative crazies (the Puritans) and sometimes that crazy comes out at strange times.

So far as the pat downs are concerned, I haven't had one in the US yet. But I've been hit up by pretty thorough pat downs in Egypt,Turkey, Israel and Poland. No one fondled my junk. It was professional. I'll have to reserve my judgement about our version until after my next trip.  There are reports of TSA agents acting like jackasses. That shit I am ALL over. Acting like an asshat weather you are TSA or you flip burgers should not be tolerated. Period. Let the lawsuits and criminal charges flow.

 But what truly angers me is that America has just now decided that enough is enough. Both the tea party activists and the civil libertarians have both somehow JUST gotten to outraged. Really? And THIS is what you are pissed about? The Iraq war, Guantanimo, criminal banks, warrantless wiretaps, CIA black sites and torture THAT shit was just bad. But now that someone might actually take a blurry picture of your junk or brush against your breasts you are screaming foul?

I know, its the principal of the thing. The erosion of rights. These are things that should be fought for certainly. But a full body scan and a pat down do not a police state make. There are more pressing issues out there.  The methods the TSA are using to try and prevent terrorist attacks are at their very core deeply flawed. We are focusing on all the wrong shit.  I'm having flashbacks to High School. This was during the Reagan years. Iran Contra. Apartheid. Nuclear tensions with the U.S.S.R. Serious shit. But you know what got the student body truly motivated? What make them take up arms against "The Man?" The school banned a kind of Popsicle called the Guido. That turned our placid suburban institution into a hotbed of civil rights activism. Seriously. There were protests, petitions, posters and civil disobedience. It was insane. And I'm starting to feel that way again.

Dear Mr. Wampler...Fuck you.

Take a moment to read this article. I'll wait here, it won't take long.

Finished? Great. Now allow me to state my rebuttal. Fuck you.

That's the short version. And it sums up my feelings on his article pretty well. I understand that you are employed as a "comedy examiner", whatever the hell that means, but really? This is your attempt at funny? I am dissapoint.

I would have thought that here in the 21st century we'd gotten past the same pathetic stereotypes of people who go to Sci-Fi or Comic conventions. Do you not understand that sci-fi, fantasy and gaming are now the fucking NORM? Have look here. See that list of top grossing films from the last decade? 9 out of 10 of them are Sci-Fi, Fantasy or comic derived. Its 10 out of 10 if you consider The Passion of the Christ a kind of snuff film based on a fictional jewish wizard. That's pretty fucking mainstream pal.

Apparently the game Magic the Gathering is to him, hopelessly nerdy and pathetic, played by pimply teens incapable of interacting with the female sex. Really? I do a lot of cons. You know what I see? People with kids. "How did they get those kids?" you ask. By having sex you moron. Lots of sex. Sometimes with women like these who share their love of Trek or Star Wars or Harry Potter or B5 or D&D or even Magic the Gathering. How are two people playing a fantasy based card game different from a group of people playing poker? Answer: There is no difference.

Of course, he pokes at a fat girl in a costume. Awesome. Do I even need to spend a paragraph describing what kind of a dick does that? I've seen people wear costumes waaaaaaaay not right for their body type. But you know what? I respect each and every goddamn one of them. I admire their creativity. Their bravery.

Speaking of bravery. If you spoke to some people at a con you might be surprised to find out some are active duty or veterans of our armed forces. These guys don't just pretend to be warriors with pen, paper and dice. They actually go to fucking WAR for you, me and our country. When you look around a con I'm sure you'll see some fat ass in a scooter who needs a diet and exercise, you'll also see guys without legs or arms like I did last year. "Nerds" and "Geeks" tend to be idealists. While we play in fantasy worlds we fully understand the problems of the real one. Many cons hold blood drives and auctions for charities or libraries. Many years ago I was honored to present a check to a Cleveland battered womens shelter from the Star Trek fan-club I belonged to. I proudly did it in uniform (Wrath of Khan, not the Next Gen spandex ones, I know what looks good on me).

So, on behalf of myself and and a large portion of the general public may I suggest that you shut your fucking pie hole you unoriginal hack. If this isn't your thing, fine. Don't come to cons and  I won't follow you to a pro sports game and ask you why you are paying an absurd amount of money to watch men hit a ball with a stick, or try to put a ball in a hoop, or move a ball from one side of a field to another. Because honestly? That seems like the stupidest thing on Gods green Earth.

Marital bliss...

"I'm ready to go when you are" my wife exclaimed as we prepared to head out to the movies.

"Let me just turn off my office light" I said, knowing this would please my wife. Leaving my office light on for some reason is viewed as some kind of grievous sin. Leaving my room, even for a short time, means I will return to it dark. There may also me a stern look tossed my way. Sometimes her urge to save the planet is so strong she will turn the light off while I'm still in the room. But never mind. I am good husband guy so I turn off everything.

As I walk into the living room I see my wife turning on the tv.

"What's up?" I ask.

"I'm leaving the tv on for the cats so they'll be entertained."

I blink twice while my wife surfs for the animal planet channel.

"Really? I have to turn off the one compact florescent bulb in my office and you're firing up our vintage 90's tv for the cats?"

I look over at Little One on the couch who is displaying no more interest in the noisy box than she did the minute before.

"You know, if we have five more cats you could officially be a crazy cat lady" I said.

"Oh no, I am already there." she said. "If you do it right, two cats is all you need."

Technology bitches!

I dumped the phone company 2 years ago and replaced it with VOIP service ooma. After a few hiccups it's been working quite well and I'm saving money. One nifty feature is that I can retrieve my messages when I'm on the road. The down side is that I need to use a laptop to access the messages because they are played back using flash, which Apple doesn't support (thanks Apple!). And since getting my iPad I've almost completely stopped using my laptop and net book.

Solution? The sky fire browser on my phone and iPad. This let's you watch flash content ( using magic no doubt) I just tested it and it worked flawlessly. Problem solved!

It'll also be nice to be able to watch embedded video on news sites.

A small slip of paper...

A few years ago I brought a dollar and a piece of paper folded into an envelope to Denny's for my annual get together with old friends. (I haven'r missed this in 26 years). I set out a challenge. Each of us would write down a list of five things we would try to do in the next year simply for the joy of it.  The first person to do all five wins the dollar.

So far none of us have won. We tend to forget the list you see. Ed and Cat came close with three things. Anyways last year Rossana filled out a slip and I got to read it this year in her absence. It said "Be more spontaneous" as her No 1. thing to bring joy to her life. The other four items were arrows pointing to the first item.

I thought that rather odd, since I think of ourselves as somewhat spontaneous. But in fact we aren't. We don't have a boring 9 to 5 existence, but the last few years has involved a lot of responsibilities, planning and fretting. Taking care of her father has been difficult for Rossana in many ways. She's strong, but it takes a lot out of her. I do what I can, but she is doing the lions share of the work and its stressing her. Being truly spontaneous can be kinda hard when you take care of a family member as well as run your own business. You never seem to be truly away from work.

So today I decided to take the advice she wrote down on the slip of paper on her behalf. We drove to the local AAA office and decided then and there to go "somewhere". Going to Europe was something I knew she wanted to do, but getting a flight wasn't easy or in any way cheap. So we opted to go to Florida for a few days. We've been dying to go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter as well as the Animal Kingdom hotel at Disney. So that's what we opted for. Just a short trip to celebrate her birthday and get away from her responsibilities for a little while.

Of course, we'll need to call the pet sitter, send out those pending orders, answer emails about custom orders, rack the stock, find our if we owe any state sales tax, update the website with new stock items, make sure the nursing home knows how to reach us, check the brakes of the Honda, get cat food, pay a few bills and pack.

But after we do all that...yeah...totally spontaneous trip.

The return of the ancient one...

With our season over I found myself with an actual weekend free. And thanks to Facebook I was made aware of a Medieval Feast held by my old friends in Dagorhir.

Dagorhir is a kind of LARP (Live Action Role Playing) but with less magic and more hitting with foam weapons. I joined when I was about 16 and through it met some of my longest held and best friends. At one point I even held the title of King. It was great fun but also taught me a lot of things. Politics, negotiation, how to work the system, tactics and a lot more. It was a huge part of my teenage years.

I don't know when I last attended an event but its been quite a few years. None of my old friends participates any more, what with jobs and kids and life, except for the current "King" of the local group. If I went, at least 1 person would know me. So I rooted around in the garage until I found two weapons, covered in dust and cobwebs. I picked out some garb and grabbed some feast gear and was off to Hinckley. When I arrived I had my weapons inspected by a stout young kid.

"How old are these weapons?" he asked.

"How old are you?" I asked. He eyed me up and down, a living fossil.

"These are ancient swords from the before time, in the long-long ago. They were made by master weapons smiths. They'll pass."

And pass they did. I was told the bulk of the people were in the woods fighting. I am in no shape to be running around in the woods. I was hoping to do some one on one sparring. Show the younglings some veteran moves. No such luck. I heaved my bulk through the woods to the  center of the battle, which had a kind of Halloween monster theme which was waaaaaay too complex for me. I had no idea exactly who I was supposed to kill. Also, these guys had armor and pretty large shields while I had 2 small swords, one of which was grasped in my slightly damaged right arm. I got into it with a Ware-wolf I believe. We killed each other in a flurry of blows. As I went to lie on the ground (where I had to count to 60 in order to be 'resurrected') I felt my right knee twinge.

I fought one or two more short battles before the battle mercifully ended. I actually enjoyed being in the woods again. I was fairly light on my feet when I was 12 years younger and 20 pounds lighter. These days? Not so much. At the cabin where the feast was to take place I relaxed and listened to the young fighters. There were a lot of them. Attendance was good and that made me quite happy. They had there own units and households. Some came from different 'kingdoms' as far away as New York and Indiana. I was disappointed that so few had any kind of persona. There was a lot of talk about the battle, or battles past. But it sounded more like jocks talking about a football game. Did we talk that way back when I was a kid? Probably. Dagorhir is a sport. Those in better shape tend to do well.

I helped out in the Kitchen (it's the Butler in me) helping to get the food out to the serving area, getting the mulled cider ready. The meat portion was from a caterer. I have to problem with that call. I remember some feasts where the food was just awful. After gorging ourselves I got to talking with another veteran and a few young people. I talked about where I'd traveled. Here the ipad came in handy since I sensed my younger audience suspected I was just BS'ing. Someone built a fire outside and when I joined it I was surprised to hear people actually singing. It wasn't great singing, but that didn't matter. These were songs of gypsies and warriors. Battles and lost loves. Good stuff. Less modern talk. We didn't have much singing at fires when I was younger. I decided to introduce myself and tell a few tales. Share some jokes. They went over quite well.  I stayed late into the evening swapping battle stories.  I left at about 1am.

I wasn't sure what I'd find when I went back to the game that played such an important part of my life growing up. It was different, and it was the same. So many new faces, young faces full of energy. So earnest, so dedicated. I talked with a young man who ended up telling me about his life. His girlfriend was pregnant and he was working as an apprentice tattoo artist. Money was so tight. He was trying to give up smoking "for the kid, y'know?" and I remembered all the tragedies and heartbreaks that my friends and I went through when we were his age. All the stupid choices and the grand schemes. You'd think that faced with these real life issues we would have stopped wasting our time with a dumb game. But this game was our whole circle of friends. We helped each other, counseled each other. We learned, we loved and we lost together.It was a game, but it wasn't just an amusement.It was important.

The next day I paid for my frolic in the woods with stiff joints and a weariness I wore like a cloak. I doubt I will get another chance to attend an event for quite a while, but I'm very glad I went. Part of me would be overjoyed to get back into the game. To be Erik the Bard instead of Erik the Salesman. Since its Winter, maybe I can make it out to a Battle or Two. I still have a few moves to teach these young punks.