Thursday, March 02, 2006

New Element found!

Via an email that's been bouncing around the Internets...


The recent hurricanes and skyrocketing oil and gasoline prices helped to prove the existence of a new element. In early October 2005, a major research institution announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium."

Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called 'morons' which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called 'peons.' Since Gv has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Gv causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second!

Gv has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay; but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming 'isodopes.' This characteristic of moron promotion leads most scientists to believe that Gv is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as 'Critical Morass.'
When catalyzed with money, Gv becomes "Administratium' (Am) - an element which radiates just as much energy as Gv, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

1 H1
Choose elements by name, by atomic number, by symbol, by mass
2 Li3
Be4 Click here for the history of the periodic table. B5 C6 N7 O8 F9 Ne10
3 Na11 Mg12 Al13 Si14 P15 S16 Cl17 Ar18
4 K19 Ca20 Sc21 Ti22 V23 Cr24 Mn25 Fe26 Co27 Ni28 Cu29 Zn30 Ga31 Ge32 As33 Se34 Br35 Kr36
5 Rb37 Sr38 Y39 Zr40 Nb41 Mo42 Tc43 Ru44 Rh45 Pd46 Ag47 Cd48 In49 Sn50 Sb51 Te52 I53 Xe54
6 Cs55 Ba56 La57 Hf72 Ta73 W74 Re75 Os76 Ir77 Pt78 Au79 Hg80 Tl81 Pb82 Bi83 Po84 At85 Rn86
7 Fr87 Ra88 Ac89 Rf
104 Db
105 Sg
106 Bh
107 Hs
108 Mt
109 Ds
110 Uuu
111 Uub
112 Uut
113 Uuq
114 UUp
115 Uuh
116 Uus
117 Uuo

Ce58 Pr59 Nd60 Pm61 Sm62 Eu63 Gd64 Tb65 Dy66 Ho67 Er68 Tm69 Yb70 Lu71
Th90 Pa91 U92 Np93 Pu94 Am95 Cm96 Bk97 Cf98 Es99 Fm100 Md101 No102 Lr103